"Men feel plainly enough within their minds, a heavy burden, whose weight depresses them. If only they perceived with equal clearness the causes of this depression, the origin of this lump of evil within their breasts, they would not lead such a life of as we now see all too commonly -- no one knowing what he really wants and everyone for ever trying to get away from where he is, as though mere locomotion could throw off the load. Often the owner of some stately mansion, bored stiff by staying at home, takes his departure, only to return as speedily when he feels himself no better off out of doors. Off he goes to his country seat, driving his carriage and pair hot-foot, as though in haste to save a house on fire. No sooner has he crossed its doorstep than he starts yawning or retires moodily to sleep and courts oblivion, or else rushes back to revisit the city. In so doing the individual is really running away from himself. Since he remains reluctantly wedded to the self whom he cannot of course escape, he grows to hate him, because he is a sick man ignorant of the cause of his malady. If he did but see this, he would cast other thoughts aside and devote himself first to studying the nature of the universe. It is not the fortune of an hour that is in question, but of all time -- the lot in store for mortals throughout the eternity that awaits them after death."
- Lucretius, Book III
12/21/09
11/25/09
It's one of those gray days...
"Even while each living thing is said to be alive and to be the same -- as a person is said to be the same from childhood till he turns into an old man-- even then he never consists of the same things, though he is called the same, but he is always being renewed and in other respects passing away, in his hair and flesh and bones and blood and his entire body. And it's not just in his body but in his soul too, for none of his manners, customs, opinions, desires, pleasures, pains, or fears ever remains the same, but some are coming to be in him while while others are passing away. And what is still far stranger than that is that not only does on branch of knowledge come to be in us while and pass away and that we are never the same even in respect of our knowledge, but that each single piece of knowledge has the same fate. For what we call studying exists because knowledge is leaving us, because forgetting is the departure of knowledge while studying puts back a fresh memory in place of what went away, thereby preserving a piece of knowledge so that it seems to be the same. And in that way everything mortal is preserved, not like the divine, by always being the same in every way, but because what is departing and aging leaves behind something new, something such as it had been. By this device what is mortal shares in immortality, whether it is a body or anything else, while the immortal has another way. So don't be surprised if everything naturally values its own offspring, because it is for the sake of immortality that everything shows this zeal, which is Love."
11/18/09
11/12/09
BILINGUAL INTRASPEAKER VARITION OF JAPANESE-AMERICAN SUBJECT
"I find myself suddenly realizing that I have spent half the period going over visually in my head locations around my hometown and surrounding countryside, a place I mind remind you I haven't lived for years now nor ever will again, where one could park a car overnight and sleep safely, without the chance of being harassed by local law-officials. This acknowledgment that I was for some reason using my hometown as my animus centrum despite the obvious fact that I currently live thousands of miles away from said location is a strange bit of information that leads one to believe that one can have a home."
"That we are unable to comprehend perfection was known, so the paradox was used to illustrate the concept of God as an absolute truth, even though to us everything can be doubted by one or more of our senses and by doubting everything there can be no absolute truth, even God. So, by reciprocating this argument, since our senses can doubt everything they cannot be trusted, since god is perfect, thus proving that God exists."
"Humanity, generally speaking, is too petty to step above their current interests to progress as a race. Caught between natural law and our flawed "Human Law", creating disharmony and destruction. If awareness is limited to our own tiny node of the circuit board how can people act in unison with the universal clock and make it tick and tock? Collectively surmising existence beyond our own minuscule senses can enable a person to act in accordance with natural law, not as an ignorant 'ANIMAL' but and an enlightened being. If you keep attempting to quantify and define eberything how can you appreciate the actual experience? If the woman is the earth then we are the sperm, racing towards conception."
11/10/09
11/9/09
11/2/09
10/26/09
Penelope And Her Guest
"As she listened on, her tears flowed and soaked her cheeks,
as the heavy snow melts down from the high mountain ridges
snow the West Wind piles there and the warm East Wind thaws
and the snow, melting, swells the rivers to overflow their banks
-- so she dissolved in tears, streaming down her lovely cheeks,
weeping for him, her husband, sitting there beside her."
- Homer, The Odyssey
10/23/09
10/21/09
10/19/09
BLAAAARGGHH
No time to type coherently... midterms... must... get back... to...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_grammar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generative_grammar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simplified_Chinese_characters
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Phonetic_Alphabet
there is... another... sky... walk... errrrrrr.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_grammar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generative_grammar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simplified_Chinese_characters
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Phonetic_Alphabet
there is... another... sky... walk... errrrrrr.
10/12/09
Avoiding picking at scabs.
Awkwardly noticing the surroundings years later.
That you live thousands of miles away.
That there is a kitten in the room, and that she is most likely pregnant.
That Japanese have a propensity for folding things and take offense easily.
That sitting in your room alone in a city of millions is unbelievably comforting.
Finally surmounting cynicism, hoping to not to descend on the same side.
Sensing those eyes on me every day.
That you live thousands of miles away.
That there is a kitten in the room, and that she is most likely pregnant.
That Japanese have a propensity for folding things and take offense easily.
That sitting in your room alone in a city of millions is unbelievably comforting.
Finally surmounting cynicism, hoping to not to descend on the same side.
Sensing those eyes on me every day.
9/29/09
And so, here we are.
"A village in a country which is taking pains to become altogether standardized and pure, which aspires to succeed Victorian England as the chief mediocrity of the world, is no longer merely provincial, no longer downy and restful in its leaf-shadowed ignorance. It is a force seeking to conquer the earth... Sure of itself, it bullies other civilizations, as a traveling salesman in a brown derby conquers the wisdom of China and tacks advertisements of cigarettes over arches for centuries dedicate to the sayings of Confucius. Such a society functions admirably in the production of cheap automobiles, dollar watches, and safety razors. But it is not satisfied until the entire world also admits that the end and joyous purpose of living is to ride in flivvers, to make advertising-pictures of dollar watches, and in the twilight to sit talking not of love and courage but of the convenience of safety razors."
-Main Street, Sinclair Lewis.
-Main Street, Sinclair Lewis.
9/21/09
The evolution of Japanese Electropop group P-Model (1979-1999)
The front man the whole time was Susumu Hirasawa, who is now known for composing the soundtracks for all of Satoshi Kon's Movies (Tokyo Godfathers, Millenium Actress, Paprika). Enjoy.
9/20/09
9/12/09
9/9/09
Damn.
I could see it coming, but it was too late to brake. I was coasting down a rather steep hill, she was making a right turn and didn't see me at all. She slammed right into me with the hood of her car. I went flying with my bike right behind me, faithful as always.
Before I hit the ground I was already yelling "WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK-- SHIT!!"
I rolled right back onto my feet, but my poor bike was already in bad shape. The front wheel was bent in half but at least the frame was fine, which was all that mattered. I had been meaning to replace that wheel anyways, since it was only a salvaged replacement for the original that was stolen last Novemeber 4th by someone in a drunken, Obama-induced frenzy (I voted for Kucinich, fuck Obama).
The people waiting on the corner came by to help me, including a guy doing the Brooklyn Standard of pull-ups via traffic light bars. I reassured everyone that I was fine and thanked them for their concern.
By this point the poor old woman that hit me was out of her car and running over to me. It took her a second to realize what happened and she felt awful. I was not mad, since everyone was fine. She gave me a hug. Then she offered to give me a ride home and the man doing pull-ups helped me shoved my now compacted bike into her back seat.
As we drove off the man got back to doing pull-ups on the street corner and I spent the rest of my ride home having to assure the woman no harm was done and All's Well That Ends Well.
Got home and had a drink.
Before I hit the ground I was already yelling "WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK-- SHIT!!"
I rolled right back onto my feet, but my poor bike was already in bad shape. The front wheel was bent in half but at least the frame was fine, which was all that mattered. I had been meaning to replace that wheel anyways, since it was only a salvaged replacement for the original that was stolen last Novemeber 4th by someone in a drunken, Obama-induced frenzy (I voted for Kucinich, fuck Obama).
The people waiting on the corner came by to help me, including a guy doing the Brooklyn Standard of pull-ups via traffic light bars. I reassured everyone that I was fine and thanked them for their concern.
By this point the poor old woman that hit me was out of her car and running over to me. It took her a second to realize what happened and she felt awful. I was not mad, since everyone was fine. She gave me a hug. Then she offered to give me a ride home and the man doing pull-ups helped me shoved my now compacted bike into her back seat.
As we drove off the man got back to doing pull-ups on the street corner and I spent the rest of my ride home having to assure the woman no harm was done and All's Well That Ends Well.
Got home and had a drink.
9/7/09
Passive Aggresive Typewriting Buzz
"
somehow this feels so much better,
to have your feet facing the door.
after years of meeting the epitome of ideals beyond your reach,
soul mates before you share a moment together.
expectation left unresolved,
for you wouldn't want to spoil the dream with reality.
smoke rings with nasal exhales,
humming music and electronic rooster caws.
another night unslept and disheveled,
another day unrealized for it's actuality of being.
incomplete with that too late realization,
whole by accepting that as what you are.
cigar smoke on calm lake,
row-boat in tow holding a pole never cast.
fleeting imbeciles interspersed within the passage of time,
the difference unknown and lost to your memory.
incessant metaphorical comfort,
alphabetic definition to calm you.
how it swells and breaks,
swirls and sinks.
left laughing alone with your own loneliness.
"
somehow this feels so much better,
to have your feet facing the door.
after years of meeting the epitome of ideals beyond your reach,
soul mates before you share a moment together.
expectation left unresolved,
for you wouldn't want to spoil the dream with reality.
smoke rings with nasal exhales,
humming music and electronic rooster caws.
another night unslept and disheveled,
another day unrealized for it's actuality of being.
incomplete with that too late realization,
whole by accepting that as what you are.
cigar smoke on calm lake,
row-boat in tow holding a pole never cast.
fleeting imbeciles interspersed within the passage of time,
the difference unknown and lost to your memory.
incessant metaphorical comfort,
alphabetic definition to calm you.
how it swells and breaks,
swirls and sinks.
left laughing alone with your own loneliness.
"
8/10/09
AT LAKE SCUGOG
by Troy Jollimore
1.
Where what I see comes to rest,
at the edge of the lake,
against what I think I see
and, up on the bank, who I am
maintains an uneasy truce
with who I fear I am,
while in the cabin’s shade the gap between
the words I said
and those I remember saying
is just wide enough to contain
the remains that remain
of what I assumed I knew.
2.
Out in the canoe, the person I thought you were
gingerly trades spots
with the person you are
and what I believe I believe
sits uncomfortably next to
what I believe.
When I promised I will always give you
what I want you to want,
you heard, or desired to hear,
something else. As, over and in the lake,
the cormorant and its image
traced paths through the sky.
6/26/09
32. Hêng / Duration
above CHEN The arousing, thunderbelow SUN The gentle, wind
The strong trigram Chên is above, the weak trigram Sun below. This hexagram is the inverse of the preceding one. In the latter we have influence, here we have union as an enduring condition. The two images are thunder and wind, which are likewise constantly paired phenomena. The lower trigram indicates gentleness within; the upper, movement without. In the sphere of social relationships, the hexagram represents the institution of marriage as the enduring union of the sexes. During courtship the young man subordinates himself to the girl, but in marriage, which is represented by the coming together of the eldest son and the eldest daughter, the husband is the directing and moving force outside, while the wife, inside, is gentle and submissive.
THE JUDGMENT
DURATION. Success. No blame.
Perseverance furthers.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
Duration is a state whose movement is not worn down by hindrances. It is not a state of rest, for mere standstill is regression. Duration is rather the self- contained and therefore self-renewing movement of an organized, firmly integrated whole, taking place in accordance with immutable laws and beginning anew at every ending. The end is reached by an inward movement, by inhalation, systole, contraction, and this movement turns into a new beginning, in which the movement is directed outward, in exhalation, diastole, expansion. Heavenly bodies exemplify duration. They move in their fixed orbits, and because of this their light-giving power endures. The seasons of the year follow a fixed law of change and transformation, hence can produce effects that endure. So likewise the dedicated man embodies an enduring meaning in his way of life, and thereby the world is formed. In that which gives things their duration, we can come to understand the nature of all beings in heaven and on earth.
THE IMAGE
Thunder and wind: the image of DURATION.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction.
Thunder rolls, and the wind blows; both are examples of extreme mobility and so are seemingly the very opposite of duration, but the laws governing their appearance and subsidence, their coming and going, endure. In the same way the independence of the superior man is not based on rigidity and immobility of character. He always keeps abreast of the time and changes with it. What endures is the unswerving directive, the inner law of his being, which determines all his actions.
THE LINES
Six at the beginning means:
Seeking duration too hastily brings misfortune persistently.
Nothing that would further.
Whatever endures can be created only gradually by long-continued work and careful reflection. In the same sense Lao-tse says: "If we wish to compress something, we must first let it fully expand." He who demands too much at once is acting precipitately, and because he attempts too much, he ends by succeeding in nothing.
6/9/09
5/29/09
SPACE IS THE PLACE
Sun Ra--space-age prophet, Pharaonic jester, shaman-philosopher and avant-jazz keyboardist/bandleader--lands his spaceship in Oakland, having been presumed lost in space for a few years. With Black Power on the rise, Ra disembarks and proclaims himself "the alter-destiny." He holds a myth-vs reality rap session with black inner-city youth at a rec center, threatening "to chain you up and take you with me, like they did you in Africa" if they resist his plea to go to outer space. He duels at cards with The Overseer, a satanic overlord, with the fate of the black race at stake. Ra wins the right to a world concert, which features great peformance footage of the Arkestra. Agents sent by the Overseer attempt to assassinate Ra, but he vanishes, rescues his people, and departs in his spaceship from the exploding planet Earth.
watch the whole movie here.
5/20/09
5/11/09
4/11/09
4/9/09
china SMACK
Last week after a long nights work I had bought a new bicycle off of one of my coworkers, as my current beat up raleigh cruiser had been stolen off my front stoop (I don't know why, it was absolute junk). Anyways, instead of going straight home to go to bed (it was already 8 am at this point, I work overnight shifts) I felt like riding it around and getting to know the bike a bit.
I had ridden around for a few hours and finally decided to head over to chinatown to see if any of my buddies were there. I don't really know any of the guys at colombus park that hang out in the morning, as they are mostly guys stopping there before work and what not, but there were a few of my friends to say hello to and practice my crude cantonese skills with.
While I was watching a game of xiangqi a man had come up to me and asked if I knew how to play. I said yeah and asked him the same, to which he replied no, but that he knew mandarin. We began to talk and I found out his name was Scott and that he had recently returned from China, where he had been living for the last 6 years. He had up and moved there after 9/11, saying he was very near at the time and it had shocked him and made him want to experience living in a different country before it was too late.
We ended up talking for over 4 hours about China, Chinese people, various social stigmas there, etc. Very enjoyable and stimulating conversation that I have not had in a long time. I will not get into the whole china topic because it is very complex and multi-faceted, but I have lived, worked and become good friends with enough chinese immigrants in the last several years to find it interesting personally.
He directed me to a website, chinaSMACK.com, and it has since become my new favorite website. Basically it brings over top news stories from China along with Chinese peoples comments on them, translated for your enjoyment. This website is one of the funniest I have ever been on and is easy to appreciate if you've ever been close with anyone Chinese. It also helps you understand, appreciate and realize that they are all humans over there too, every last billion of them.
The creator says this to sum it up:
"So, what is chinaSMACK?
My western friend says it is “cultural voyeurism.”
I just think it is fun."
chinaSMACK.com
I had ridden around for a few hours and finally decided to head over to chinatown to see if any of my buddies were there. I don't really know any of the guys at colombus park that hang out in the morning, as they are mostly guys stopping there before work and what not, but there were a few of my friends to say hello to and practice my crude cantonese skills with.
While I was watching a game of xiangqi a man had come up to me and asked if I knew how to play. I said yeah and asked him the same, to which he replied no, but that he knew mandarin. We began to talk and I found out his name was Scott and that he had recently returned from China, where he had been living for the last 6 years. He had up and moved there after 9/11, saying he was very near at the time and it had shocked him and made him want to experience living in a different country before it was too late.
We ended up talking for over 4 hours about China, Chinese people, various social stigmas there, etc. Very enjoyable and stimulating conversation that I have not had in a long time. I will not get into the whole china topic because it is very complex and multi-faceted, but I have lived, worked and become good friends with enough chinese immigrants in the last several years to find it interesting personally.
He directed me to a website, chinaSMACK.com, and it has since become my new favorite website. Basically it brings over top news stories from China along with Chinese peoples comments on them, translated for your enjoyment. This website is one of the funniest I have ever been on and is easy to appreciate if you've ever been close with anyone Chinese. It also helps you understand, appreciate and realize that they are all humans over there too, every last billion of them.
The creator says this to sum it up:
"So, what is chinaSMACK?
My western friend says it is “cultural voyeurism.”
I just think it is fun."
chinaSMACK.com
4/4/09
4/3/09
4/2/09
The Dot and the Line: A Romance in Lower Mathematics
One of my favorite cartoons as a child. Appreciated even more as I get older.
This goes out to you, [you know who you are].
If enjoyed, please see Flatland.
saw a movie the other night
bought a bag full of mini resse's peanut butter cups, easter edition, and ate them by myself
as I left the theater there was a sign that said "NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE BUY THE BOOK!"
only the movie was based off a comic book (guess which movie I saw, dur)
apparently you need to make a movie just to make people read comic books these days...
as I left the theater there was a sign that said "NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE BUY THE BOOK!"
only the movie was based off a comic book (guess which movie I saw, dur)
apparently you need to make a movie just to make people read comic books these days...
3/30/09
takagi masakatsu
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takagi_Masakatsu
http://www.apple.com/pro/profiles/takagi/
http://www.takagimasakatsu.com/
What to listen to in a black & white darkroom...
3/29/09
3/27/09
Book IV, Passage III
"They seek for themselves private retiring places, as country villages,
the sea-shore,mountains; yea thou thyself art wont to long much after such places.
But all this thou must know proceeds from simplicity in the highest degree.
At what time soever thou wilt, it is in thy power to retire into thyself,
and to be at rest, and free from all businesses. A man cannot any whither
retire better than to his own soul; he especially who is beforehand provided
of such things within, which whensoever he doth withdraw himself to look in,
may presently afford unto him perfect ease and tranquillity. By tranquillity
I understand a decent orderly disposition and carriage, free from all confusion
and tumultuousness. Afford then thyself this retiring continually,
and thereby refresh and renew thyself. Let these precepts be brief and fundamental,
which as soon as thou dost call them to mind, may suffice thee to purge thy
soul throughly, and to send thee away well pleased with those things whatsoever
they be, which now again after this short withdrawing of thy soul into herself
thou dost return unto. For what is it that thou art offended at? Can it be at
the wickedness of men, when thou dost call to mind this conclusion, that all
reasonable creatures are made one for another? and that it is part of justice
to bear with them? and that it is against their wills that they offend?
and how many already, who once likewise prosecuted their enmities, suspected,
hated, and fiercely contended, are now long ago stretched out, and reduced unto
ashes? It is time for thee to make an end. As for those things which among the
common chances of the world happen unto thee as thy particular lot and portion,
canst thou be displeased with any of them, when thou dost call that our ordinary
dilemma to mind, either a providence, or Democritus his atoms; and with it,
whatsoever we brought to prove that the whole world is as it were one city?
And as for thy body, what canst thou fear, if thou dost consider that thy
mind and understanding, when once it hath recollected itself, and knows its
own power, hath in this life and breath (whether it run smoothly and gently,
or whether harshly and rudely), no interest at all, but is altogether indifferent:
and whatsoever else thou hast heard and assented unto concerning either pain or
pleasure? But the care of thine honour and reputation will perchance distract thee?
How can that be, if thou dost look back, and consider both how quickly all
things that are, are forgotten, and what an immense chaos of eternity was before,
and will follow after all things: and the vanity of praise, and the
inconstancy and variableness of human judgments and opinions,
and the narrowness of the place, wherein it is limited and circumscribed?
For the whole earth is but as one point; and of it, this inhabited part of it,
is but a very little part; and of this part, how many in number, and what manner
of men are they, that will commend thee? What remains then, but that thou often
put in practice this kind of retiring of thyself, to this little part of thyself;
and above all things, keep thyself from distraction, and intend not anything
vehemently, but be free and consider all things, as a man whose proper object
is Virtue, as a man whose true nature is to be kind and sociable, as a citizen,
as a mortal creature. Among other things, which to consider, and look into thou
must use to withdraw thyself, let those two be among the most obvious and at hand.
One, that the things or objects themselves reach not unto the soul, but stand
without still and quiet, and that it is from the opinion only which is within,
that all the tumult and all the trouble doth proceed. The next, that all these
things, which now thou seest, shall within a very little while be changed,
and be no more: and ever call to mind, how many changes and alterations
in the world thou thyself hast already been an eyewitness of in thy time.
This world is mere change, and this life, opinion."
from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
the sea-shore,mountains; yea thou thyself art wont to long much after such places.
But all this thou must know proceeds from simplicity in the highest degree.
At what time soever thou wilt, it is in thy power to retire into thyself,
and to be at rest, and free from all businesses. A man cannot any whither
retire better than to his own soul; he especially who is beforehand provided
of such things within, which whensoever he doth withdraw himself to look in,
may presently afford unto him perfect ease and tranquillity. By tranquillity
I understand a decent orderly disposition and carriage, free from all confusion
and tumultuousness. Afford then thyself this retiring continually,
and thereby refresh and renew thyself. Let these precepts be brief and fundamental,
which as soon as thou dost call them to mind, may suffice thee to purge thy
soul throughly, and to send thee away well pleased with those things whatsoever
they be, which now again after this short withdrawing of thy soul into herself
thou dost return unto. For what is it that thou art offended at? Can it be at
the wickedness of men, when thou dost call to mind this conclusion, that all
reasonable creatures are made one for another? and that it is part of justice
to bear with them? and that it is against their wills that they offend?
and how many already, who once likewise prosecuted their enmities, suspected,
hated, and fiercely contended, are now long ago stretched out, and reduced unto
ashes? It is time for thee to make an end. As for those things which among the
common chances of the world happen unto thee as thy particular lot and portion,
canst thou be displeased with any of them, when thou dost call that our ordinary
dilemma to mind, either a providence, or Democritus his atoms; and with it,
whatsoever we brought to prove that the whole world is as it were one city?
And as for thy body, what canst thou fear, if thou dost consider that thy
mind and understanding, when once it hath recollected itself, and knows its
own power, hath in this life and breath (whether it run smoothly and gently,
or whether harshly and rudely), no interest at all, but is altogether indifferent:
and whatsoever else thou hast heard and assented unto concerning either pain or
pleasure? But the care of thine honour and reputation will perchance distract thee?
How can that be, if thou dost look back, and consider both how quickly all
things that are, are forgotten, and what an immense chaos of eternity was before,
and will follow after all things: and the vanity of praise, and the
inconstancy and variableness of human judgments and opinions,
and the narrowness of the place, wherein it is limited and circumscribed?
For the whole earth is but as one point; and of it, this inhabited part of it,
is but a very little part; and of this part, how many in number, and what manner
of men are they, that will commend thee? What remains then, but that thou often
put in practice this kind of retiring of thyself, to this little part of thyself;
and above all things, keep thyself from distraction, and intend not anything
vehemently, but be free and consider all things, as a man whose proper object
is Virtue, as a man whose true nature is to be kind and sociable, as a citizen,
as a mortal creature. Among other things, which to consider, and look into thou
must use to withdraw thyself, let those two be among the most obvious and at hand.
One, that the things or objects themselves reach not unto the soul, but stand
without still and quiet, and that it is from the opinion only which is within,
that all the tumult and all the trouble doth proceed. The next, that all these
things, which now thou seest, shall within a very little while be changed,
and be no more: and ever call to mind, how many changes and alterations
in the world thou thyself hast already been an eyewitness of in thy time.
This world is mere change, and this life, opinion."
from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
3/25/09
"cable dazed" while my mind is fazed as a notion of sleep is praised but yet to be grazed
One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite people I have met so far during my tenure in New York... Justin, we kept saying we'd hang out but never did, I'm sorry!
3/24/09
big city livin'... big city dyin'... dead city shiverin'... dead city cryin'
perceived idea of living in new york city:
Drowning in money and fun, women and booze, carefree and always exciting...
actuality of living in new york city:
... certainly exciting, but not always in the way you'd imagine. Lonely and cold sometimes, but it can also be warm and friendly. It is usually one of these polar opposites and is rarely balanced, so one finds oneself in the pits of despair or the heights of pleasure in a fleeting instant. Money can certainly buy a distracted comfort of sorts here, but over a very hollow life it is if you follow that escape or just roll over and allow the city's undeniable willpower to control you.
Hmmmm...
3/19/09
Lao Ma (Old Horse)
3/18/09
can someone explain time to me
I don't really get it.
"... time is already being, all being is already time ..."
Dogen, come back from the dead and teach me.
The weather is getting nicer and therefore this city more livable... and seeming a lot less dismal.
Oh, I found a bike on the streets of Chinatown! An old Raleigh! The front chainring was bent up to shit and the rusted chain left hanging. I looked at in in bewilderment for a time wondering whose it was. After standing there staring at it and around for an owner I decided to claim it and promptly bent things back into place and rode off. It is pretty rickety but overall a pleasant bike. What a great day. That was yesterday...
Today I bought a u-lock for it, so it wasn't all free I guess. After that I went to visit the guy that sells "my kind of books" on his little card table. 5th avenue and 22nd? What a cooky old bastard, he is "my kind of guy", faked-toothed, load-mouthed and all. A few days before I saw he was selling a shambala pocket edition of Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke, but he had sold it. Also he had sold a copy of the Upanishads that I had wanted. He gave me shit for not buying it then, but I had no money at the time. Funny old bastard. Instead I bought a book of The Age of Belief: Medieval Philosophers Writings and The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches by BASHO. $5 each. Nice old copies too, with that nice old book smell to them. He had a copy of Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! underneath the table but he refused to sell anything that wasn't on the table, a very stubborn bastard on this point. I guess it has to do with permit laws, he can sell books on a table without a permit... something to do with the first amendment I think? I don't know, I am a public school graduate, and a disenchanted one at that. I'll check back tomorrow, the bastard.
The rest of my afternoon I was at my Chinatown Spot: Columbus Park. Spent my last $5 on a pack of bali shag and smoked some while reading Warlock by Oakley Hall on a big rock. Rather relaxing...
Lao Ma, who has appointed himself my father, showed up fairly late and I got out of him between his broken english and my broken cantonese that he was working most of the day. He called me an asshole and I told him to fuck off, all in cantonese. This is how our usual happy encounters proceed. He disappeared after I feigned kicking him in the face and he punching me in the throat. I suppose as my father he sees it his duty to teach me how to swear in his mothertongue and teach me HK Policeman style kung fu (I have learned through various translators that he was a cop in HK a long time ago). He disappeared for a while and came back with two tall cans of arizona sweet tea and two long straws to match. I called him an asshole in cantonese and tried to steal both of them and run, but he wouldn't have it. So we sat there for a while and drank the teas. I yelled at him for throwing his straw paper on the ground and called him a dumbass sack of shit and he said I looked like a bag of garbage so that's why he threw it on the ground in front of me. He then giggled like a little boy and did his best one liner: "Oh Ho!" with his shit eating, mostly toothless grin. He then proceeded to make fun of my new free bike calling is shitty and old and I told him he was old and it was free. This made him like the bike a lot more and approve of it.
After watching a few games of xiangqi and playing a few I rode my bike home.
I feel often the desire to leave this city and go somewhere more "real" in my mind but I know it is my daydreaming bullshit. I romanticize the past, and imbue perfection on cities I don't even know, only having vague senses of what they are actually like.
I keep telling myself that I keep telling myself...
How can I move when I know people like Lao Ma? I love him dearly.
Why do I get wrapped up in things I don't want to and dream about the things I do.
Can't figure out that fear. It seems harmless and is totally silent, but has paralyzed me my whole life.
This is dumb, sorry. I drank way too much cough syrup...
Let's end with a song...
"... time is already being, all being is already time ..."
Dogen, come back from the dead and teach me.
The weather is getting nicer and therefore this city more livable... and seeming a lot less dismal.
Oh, I found a bike on the streets of Chinatown! An old Raleigh! The front chainring was bent up to shit and the rusted chain left hanging. I looked at in in bewilderment for a time wondering whose it was. After standing there staring at it and around for an owner I decided to claim it and promptly bent things back into place and rode off. It is pretty rickety but overall a pleasant bike. What a great day. That was yesterday...
Today I bought a u-lock for it, so it wasn't all free I guess. After that I went to visit the guy that sells "my kind of books" on his little card table. 5th avenue and 22nd? What a cooky old bastard, he is "my kind of guy", faked-toothed, load-mouthed and all. A few days before I saw he was selling a shambala pocket edition of Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke, but he had sold it. Also he had sold a copy of the Upanishads that I had wanted. He gave me shit for not buying it then, but I had no money at the time. Funny old bastard. Instead I bought a book of The Age of Belief: Medieval Philosophers Writings and The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches by BASHO. $5 each. Nice old copies too, with that nice old book smell to them. He had a copy of Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! underneath the table but he refused to sell anything that wasn't on the table, a very stubborn bastard on this point. I guess it has to do with permit laws, he can sell books on a table without a permit... something to do with the first amendment I think? I don't know, I am a public school graduate, and a disenchanted one at that. I'll check back tomorrow, the bastard.
The rest of my afternoon I was at my Chinatown Spot: Columbus Park. Spent my last $5 on a pack of bali shag and smoked some while reading Warlock by Oakley Hall on a big rock. Rather relaxing...
Lao Ma, who has appointed himself my father, showed up fairly late and I got out of him between his broken english and my broken cantonese that he was working most of the day. He called me an asshole and I told him to fuck off, all in cantonese. This is how our usual happy encounters proceed. He disappeared after I feigned kicking him in the face and he punching me in the throat. I suppose as my father he sees it his duty to teach me how to swear in his mothertongue and teach me HK Policeman style kung fu (I have learned through various translators that he was a cop in HK a long time ago). He disappeared for a while and came back with two tall cans of arizona sweet tea and two long straws to match. I called him an asshole in cantonese and tried to steal both of them and run, but he wouldn't have it. So we sat there for a while and drank the teas. I yelled at him for throwing his straw paper on the ground and called him a dumbass sack of shit and he said I looked like a bag of garbage so that's why he threw it on the ground in front of me. He then giggled like a little boy and did his best one liner: "Oh Ho!" with his shit eating, mostly toothless grin. He then proceeded to make fun of my new free bike calling is shitty and old and I told him he was old and it was free. This made him like the bike a lot more and approve of it.
After watching a few games of xiangqi and playing a few I rode my bike home.
I feel often the desire to leave this city and go somewhere more "real" in my mind but I know it is my daydreaming bullshit. I romanticize the past, and imbue perfection on cities I don't even know, only having vague senses of what they are actually like.
I keep telling myself that I keep telling myself...
How can I move when I know people like Lao Ma? I love him dearly.
Why do I get wrapped up in things I don't want to and dream about the things I do.
Can't figure out that fear. It seems harmless and is totally silent, but has paralyzed me my whole life.
This is dumb, sorry. I drank way too much cough syrup...
Let's end with a song...
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