3/30/09
takagi masakatsu
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takagi_Masakatsu
http://www.apple.com/pro/profiles/takagi/
http://www.takagimasakatsu.com/
What to listen to in a black & white darkroom...
3/29/09
3/27/09
Book IV, Passage III
"They seek for themselves private retiring places, as country villages,
the sea-shore,mountains; yea thou thyself art wont to long much after such places.
But all this thou must know proceeds from simplicity in the highest degree.
At what time soever thou wilt, it is in thy power to retire into thyself,
and to be at rest, and free from all businesses. A man cannot any whither
retire better than to his own soul; he especially who is beforehand provided
of such things within, which whensoever he doth withdraw himself to look in,
may presently afford unto him perfect ease and tranquillity. By tranquillity
I understand a decent orderly disposition and carriage, free from all confusion
and tumultuousness. Afford then thyself this retiring continually,
and thereby refresh and renew thyself. Let these precepts be brief and fundamental,
which as soon as thou dost call them to mind, may suffice thee to purge thy
soul throughly, and to send thee away well pleased with those things whatsoever
they be, which now again after this short withdrawing of thy soul into herself
thou dost return unto. For what is it that thou art offended at? Can it be at
the wickedness of men, when thou dost call to mind this conclusion, that all
reasonable creatures are made one for another? and that it is part of justice
to bear with them? and that it is against their wills that they offend?
and how many already, who once likewise prosecuted their enmities, suspected,
hated, and fiercely contended, are now long ago stretched out, and reduced unto
ashes? It is time for thee to make an end. As for those things which among the
common chances of the world happen unto thee as thy particular lot and portion,
canst thou be displeased with any of them, when thou dost call that our ordinary
dilemma to mind, either a providence, or Democritus his atoms; and with it,
whatsoever we brought to prove that the whole world is as it were one city?
And as for thy body, what canst thou fear, if thou dost consider that thy
mind and understanding, when once it hath recollected itself, and knows its
own power, hath in this life and breath (whether it run smoothly and gently,
or whether harshly and rudely), no interest at all, but is altogether indifferent:
and whatsoever else thou hast heard and assented unto concerning either pain or
pleasure? But the care of thine honour and reputation will perchance distract thee?
How can that be, if thou dost look back, and consider both how quickly all
things that are, are forgotten, and what an immense chaos of eternity was before,
and will follow after all things: and the vanity of praise, and the
inconstancy and variableness of human judgments and opinions,
and the narrowness of the place, wherein it is limited and circumscribed?
For the whole earth is but as one point; and of it, this inhabited part of it,
is but a very little part; and of this part, how many in number, and what manner
of men are they, that will commend thee? What remains then, but that thou often
put in practice this kind of retiring of thyself, to this little part of thyself;
and above all things, keep thyself from distraction, and intend not anything
vehemently, but be free and consider all things, as a man whose proper object
is Virtue, as a man whose true nature is to be kind and sociable, as a citizen,
as a mortal creature. Among other things, which to consider, and look into thou
must use to withdraw thyself, let those two be among the most obvious and at hand.
One, that the things or objects themselves reach not unto the soul, but stand
without still and quiet, and that it is from the opinion only which is within,
that all the tumult and all the trouble doth proceed. The next, that all these
things, which now thou seest, shall within a very little while be changed,
and be no more: and ever call to mind, how many changes and alterations
in the world thou thyself hast already been an eyewitness of in thy time.
This world is mere change, and this life, opinion."
from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
the sea-shore,mountains; yea thou thyself art wont to long much after such places.
But all this thou must know proceeds from simplicity in the highest degree.
At what time soever thou wilt, it is in thy power to retire into thyself,
and to be at rest, and free from all businesses. A man cannot any whither
retire better than to his own soul; he especially who is beforehand provided
of such things within, which whensoever he doth withdraw himself to look in,
may presently afford unto him perfect ease and tranquillity. By tranquillity
I understand a decent orderly disposition and carriage, free from all confusion
and tumultuousness. Afford then thyself this retiring continually,
and thereby refresh and renew thyself. Let these precepts be brief and fundamental,
which as soon as thou dost call them to mind, may suffice thee to purge thy
soul throughly, and to send thee away well pleased with those things whatsoever
they be, which now again after this short withdrawing of thy soul into herself
thou dost return unto. For what is it that thou art offended at? Can it be at
the wickedness of men, when thou dost call to mind this conclusion, that all
reasonable creatures are made one for another? and that it is part of justice
to bear with them? and that it is against their wills that they offend?
and how many already, who once likewise prosecuted their enmities, suspected,
hated, and fiercely contended, are now long ago stretched out, and reduced unto
ashes? It is time for thee to make an end. As for those things which among the
common chances of the world happen unto thee as thy particular lot and portion,
canst thou be displeased with any of them, when thou dost call that our ordinary
dilemma to mind, either a providence, or Democritus his atoms; and with it,
whatsoever we brought to prove that the whole world is as it were one city?
And as for thy body, what canst thou fear, if thou dost consider that thy
mind and understanding, when once it hath recollected itself, and knows its
own power, hath in this life and breath (whether it run smoothly and gently,
or whether harshly and rudely), no interest at all, but is altogether indifferent:
and whatsoever else thou hast heard and assented unto concerning either pain or
pleasure? But the care of thine honour and reputation will perchance distract thee?
How can that be, if thou dost look back, and consider both how quickly all
things that are, are forgotten, and what an immense chaos of eternity was before,
and will follow after all things: and the vanity of praise, and the
inconstancy and variableness of human judgments and opinions,
and the narrowness of the place, wherein it is limited and circumscribed?
For the whole earth is but as one point; and of it, this inhabited part of it,
is but a very little part; and of this part, how many in number, and what manner
of men are they, that will commend thee? What remains then, but that thou often
put in practice this kind of retiring of thyself, to this little part of thyself;
and above all things, keep thyself from distraction, and intend not anything
vehemently, but be free and consider all things, as a man whose proper object
is Virtue, as a man whose true nature is to be kind and sociable, as a citizen,
as a mortal creature. Among other things, which to consider, and look into thou
must use to withdraw thyself, let those two be among the most obvious and at hand.
One, that the things or objects themselves reach not unto the soul, but stand
without still and quiet, and that it is from the opinion only which is within,
that all the tumult and all the trouble doth proceed. The next, that all these
things, which now thou seest, shall within a very little while be changed,
and be no more: and ever call to mind, how many changes and alterations
in the world thou thyself hast already been an eyewitness of in thy time.
This world is mere change, and this life, opinion."
from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
3/25/09
"cable dazed" while my mind is fazed as a notion of sleep is praised but yet to be grazed
One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite people I have met so far during my tenure in New York... Justin, we kept saying we'd hang out but never did, I'm sorry!
3/24/09
big city livin'... big city dyin'... dead city shiverin'... dead city cryin'
perceived idea of living in new york city:
Drowning in money and fun, women and booze, carefree and always exciting...
actuality of living in new york city:
... certainly exciting, but not always in the way you'd imagine. Lonely and cold sometimes, but it can also be warm and friendly. It is usually one of these polar opposites and is rarely balanced, so one finds oneself in the pits of despair or the heights of pleasure in a fleeting instant. Money can certainly buy a distracted comfort of sorts here, but over a very hollow life it is if you follow that escape or just roll over and allow the city's undeniable willpower to control you.
Hmmmm...
3/19/09
Lao Ma (Old Horse)
3/18/09
can someone explain time to me
I don't really get it.
"... time is already being, all being is already time ..."
Dogen, come back from the dead and teach me.
The weather is getting nicer and therefore this city more livable... and seeming a lot less dismal.
Oh, I found a bike on the streets of Chinatown! An old Raleigh! The front chainring was bent up to shit and the rusted chain left hanging. I looked at in in bewilderment for a time wondering whose it was. After standing there staring at it and around for an owner I decided to claim it and promptly bent things back into place and rode off. It is pretty rickety but overall a pleasant bike. What a great day. That was yesterday...
Today I bought a u-lock for it, so it wasn't all free I guess. After that I went to visit the guy that sells "my kind of books" on his little card table. 5th avenue and 22nd? What a cooky old bastard, he is "my kind of guy", faked-toothed, load-mouthed and all. A few days before I saw he was selling a shambala pocket edition of Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke, but he had sold it. Also he had sold a copy of the Upanishads that I had wanted. He gave me shit for not buying it then, but I had no money at the time. Funny old bastard. Instead I bought a book of The Age of Belief: Medieval Philosophers Writings and The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches by BASHO. $5 each. Nice old copies too, with that nice old book smell to them. He had a copy of Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! underneath the table but he refused to sell anything that wasn't on the table, a very stubborn bastard on this point. I guess it has to do with permit laws, he can sell books on a table without a permit... something to do with the first amendment I think? I don't know, I am a public school graduate, and a disenchanted one at that. I'll check back tomorrow, the bastard.
The rest of my afternoon I was at my Chinatown Spot: Columbus Park. Spent my last $5 on a pack of bali shag and smoked some while reading Warlock by Oakley Hall on a big rock. Rather relaxing...
Lao Ma, who has appointed himself my father, showed up fairly late and I got out of him between his broken english and my broken cantonese that he was working most of the day. He called me an asshole and I told him to fuck off, all in cantonese. This is how our usual happy encounters proceed. He disappeared after I feigned kicking him in the face and he punching me in the throat. I suppose as my father he sees it his duty to teach me how to swear in his mothertongue and teach me HK Policeman style kung fu (I have learned through various translators that he was a cop in HK a long time ago). He disappeared for a while and came back with two tall cans of arizona sweet tea and two long straws to match. I called him an asshole in cantonese and tried to steal both of them and run, but he wouldn't have it. So we sat there for a while and drank the teas. I yelled at him for throwing his straw paper on the ground and called him a dumbass sack of shit and he said I looked like a bag of garbage so that's why he threw it on the ground in front of me. He then giggled like a little boy and did his best one liner: "Oh Ho!" with his shit eating, mostly toothless grin. He then proceeded to make fun of my new free bike calling is shitty and old and I told him he was old and it was free. This made him like the bike a lot more and approve of it.
After watching a few games of xiangqi and playing a few I rode my bike home.
I feel often the desire to leave this city and go somewhere more "real" in my mind but I know it is my daydreaming bullshit. I romanticize the past, and imbue perfection on cities I don't even know, only having vague senses of what they are actually like.
I keep telling myself that I keep telling myself...
How can I move when I know people like Lao Ma? I love him dearly.
Why do I get wrapped up in things I don't want to and dream about the things I do.
Can't figure out that fear. It seems harmless and is totally silent, but has paralyzed me my whole life.
This is dumb, sorry. I drank way too much cough syrup...
Let's end with a song...
"... time is already being, all being is already time ..."
Dogen, come back from the dead and teach me.
The weather is getting nicer and therefore this city more livable... and seeming a lot less dismal.
Oh, I found a bike on the streets of Chinatown! An old Raleigh! The front chainring was bent up to shit and the rusted chain left hanging. I looked at in in bewilderment for a time wondering whose it was. After standing there staring at it and around for an owner I decided to claim it and promptly bent things back into place and rode off. It is pretty rickety but overall a pleasant bike. What a great day. That was yesterday...
Today I bought a u-lock for it, so it wasn't all free I guess. After that I went to visit the guy that sells "my kind of books" on his little card table. 5th avenue and 22nd? What a cooky old bastard, he is "my kind of guy", faked-toothed, load-mouthed and all. A few days before I saw he was selling a shambala pocket edition of Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke, but he had sold it. Also he had sold a copy of the Upanishads that I had wanted. He gave me shit for not buying it then, but I had no money at the time. Funny old bastard. Instead I bought a book of The Age of Belief: Medieval Philosophers Writings and The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches by BASHO. $5 each. Nice old copies too, with that nice old book smell to them. He had a copy of Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! underneath the table but he refused to sell anything that wasn't on the table, a very stubborn bastard on this point. I guess it has to do with permit laws, he can sell books on a table without a permit... something to do with the first amendment I think? I don't know, I am a public school graduate, and a disenchanted one at that. I'll check back tomorrow, the bastard.
The rest of my afternoon I was at my Chinatown Spot: Columbus Park. Spent my last $5 on a pack of bali shag and smoked some while reading Warlock by Oakley Hall on a big rock. Rather relaxing...
Lao Ma, who has appointed himself my father, showed up fairly late and I got out of him between his broken english and my broken cantonese that he was working most of the day. He called me an asshole and I told him to fuck off, all in cantonese. This is how our usual happy encounters proceed. He disappeared after I feigned kicking him in the face and he punching me in the throat. I suppose as my father he sees it his duty to teach me how to swear in his mothertongue and teach me HK Policeman style kung fu (I have learned through various translators that he was a cop in HK a long time ago). He disappeared for a while and came back with two tall cans of arizona sweet tea and two long straws to match. I called him an asshole in cantonese and tried to steal both of them and run, but he wouldn't have it. So we sat there for a while and drank the teas. I yelled at him for throwing his straw paper on the ground and called him a dumbass sack of shit and he said I looked like a bag of garbage so that's why he threw it on the ground in front of me. He then giggled like a little boy and did his best one liner: "Oh Ho!" with his shit eating, mostly toothless grin. He then proceeded to make fun of my new free bike calling is shitty and old and I told him he was old and it was free. This made him like the bike a lot more and approve of it.
After watching a few games of xiangqi and playing a few I rode my bike home.
I feel often the desire to leave this city and go somewhere more "real" in my mind but I know it is my daydreaming bullshit. I romanticize the past, and imbue perfection on cities I don't even know, only having vague senses of what they are actually like.
I keep telling myself that I keep telling myself...
How can I move when I know people like Lao Ma? I love him dearly.
Why do I get wrapped up in things I don't want to and dream about the things I do.
Can't figure out that fear. It seems harmless and is totally silent, but has paralyzed me my whole life.
This is dumb, sorry. I drank way too much cough syrup...
Let's end with a song...
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